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“I’m a perfectionist” has for a long time been one of the phrases I repeat by rote when asked to describe myself.
It’s always been on the positive list, you know, next to being gregarious and mostly cheery and kind.
But I’m wondering more and more whether it better belongs with impatience and procrastinating and sometimes being sad for no reason.
Perfectionism is what prevents me from writing every day, it stops me from doodling because doodling isn’t drawing, it is exacting and exhausting and paralysing. It’s what makes me twitch when I see yesterday’s post, and the glaring oversight in the too-heavily edited photograph that is very far from perfect.
I’m scared of making mistakes because I’m a perfectionist. I don’t allow myself time to be a beginner, to learn.
So I’ve left yesterday’s post there, with its photograph. Just don’t tell me you see what I mean. Please.
Your blog is lovely, made more so by your honesty. I can identify so much with this post!
just found your blog through Susannah’s, and I just wanted to say that I gasped at the beauty of your blog the moment I clicked over! I had to comment on this post because I find the same thing in myself—I have this perfectionist bent that I realize more and more serves no useful purpose except to rile me up for no reason. I find your comment about your post the previous day so funny because I do the exact same thing—obsess about the imperfections so much that I make myself sick sometimes. And then I will look back some months later and not even be able to see the imperfections I obsessed over, or I’ll see them but realize they add to the uniqueness of the work. I wanted to say on that note, that the photograph of your shoes is knock-em-dead gorgeous! Just spectacular! I appreciate your honesty that threads through your blog and the beauty you share here! Congratulations on your blog!
Your voice here is so lovely! I struggle with my own perfectionist qualities (fear of doodling…is one that hits right on the mark), so I understand the ways it holds us back. Keep breaking through & allowing yourself that freedom to be a beginner & let yourself shine through! Usually, when we say something isn’t “perfect” we are comparing it to something else. Well, it will never be that other thing, so we just have to let it be what it is – without judgement. Let’s give ourselves the freedom to create our own style & continue to improve…but without the same judgement perhaps??
You have created such a beautiful space with gorgeous images. You have the ability to write concisely and convey your thoughts in a very short space.
I understand the struggles with perfectionism. I had a horrible period in graduate school where I could not let go of anything I wrote because I felt it wasn’t good enough but really everything we write is always a draft!
As stated above, we do the best we can and part of creativity is striving and creating. Let yourself go and have fun with it. Your blog is really quite lovely.
I tell myself it is important that we all do the very best we can at whatever we do – continuous improvement and authentic progress and all that jazz. You can’t be expert without trying – but ‘perfectionism’ can stop the trying, the honing, the development of the skills needed to achieve high levels of quality.
Plus, perfection doesn’t exist, does it? It’s a standard that will never be reached and goals need to be achievable.
Maybe telling ourselves were strive for expertise, or advanced skills, or high levels of awesome might help keep those wheels oiled and that keyboard clattering out words, or pen scribbling out ideas, or brush stroking out colour. And it’s okay to use ‘good paper’ for that
Lovely post, delightful blog, will call again.
Perfectionism is just another name for fear of failure. I know from experience. Don’t let it consume you…