In the last few weeks and days, I’ve been thinking a lot about control, and about how much I need it. Or want it, perhaps that’s more accurate.

I want to control everything, from the tasks on my work-colleague’s to-do list to how and why my man says he loves me. And intellectually I get where it’s coming from, I do, it’s all about fear, right?

Fear that I won’t get the promotion that I don’t want to admit I want, fear that intentions will never turn into reality, fear of not being chosen, fear of being betrayed, fear of a past that I wasn’t part of.

All this I know, but the knowing doesn’t help this little control freak breathe easy.

So I’m trying something new, because the anxiety that comes with battling to control the need to control (I see how this may be a losing battle) is exhausting, and making me so unhappy.

I’m making a list of what I can control. This is what I have so far:

• I can’t force my promotion, but I can be open to different company structures and I can do the very best I can with the job that I have now.
• I can’t force the future to cooperate with the vision I have in my head, but I can do quite a bit to make sure that I have a very satisfying today.
• I can control what I put into my mind and into my body, both by removing some things and adding others.
• I can read this sentence, again and again, to remind myself that I am the only person in charge of my own happiness.

I’m not going to add to this list here, but I will make it longer. Promise.